I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Hippo gnu deer
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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