Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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