Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
