just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
