yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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