I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We're too hungover to prance.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
