What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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