he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize