You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
