Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
