I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
