white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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