duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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