I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
