Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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