Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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