my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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