I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
