Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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