White coat. Heels.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
