shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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