im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
