And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
