since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
