I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I AM VODKA MAN
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
