Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
