dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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