Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
