I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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