He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
