Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
