ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
