So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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