so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
