I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
