oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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