just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Your cock deserves a montage
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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