I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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