Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
