how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
