i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
