I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
