I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
