I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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