Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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