I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
