so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
