I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
