Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
