and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
NoShamevember. You game?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
