i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
